first published on 14th of February 08
I am looking for you…
I find myself following nobody on the street where nobody fallows me back…where the sound of silence scares me and where the wind screams in me: “nothing’s changed!”
…or better said I was looking for you.
I looked for you through the sandy wind. I looked for you in the waves’ music, but the sound just dies when the sea hugs the shore and the sky still sees desert ahead…I looked for you in the April sunlight and in the shells carried by the sea’s coast in the undetermined...infinite line of the horizon.
I still see your face in the crowd, on the street and it seems I know each one of them for all my life…
I even looked for you in a lost seagull’s shout….
But never found you…
I wish some nights last forever, but your voice loses its color and my hands don’t know your face anymore… It’s so dark and your light faded down…you are darker than I can understand and I once knew you through myself…I loved you for who I was when I was with you…there were little things that only I knew and those made you a part of me…Although I put my conscience to fight, I am not looking for the part that’s missing, lost that one and I’m glad is not a burden anymore! Chasing dreams is the purpose, achieving them would make me incomplete again, meaningless…
I got tired…days without you made me older
I got tired smelling the young wet grass. I got tired touching all the flower fields hoping to reach you. I got tired waiting for you to show up in an old oak tree’s crust, tired screaming your name and getting back only the echoes of my voice…
I got tired…tired of hoping and keep believing…still, I did not give up…because what is there to give up anyway?
I forgot…
I forgot how to make winter wheat knitting from our smiles. I forgot to see you in every piece of broken glass. I forgot smiling at you in every thought.
I forgot to tremble each time I shout your name…I forgot to shiver when I feel your breeze. I forgot to count and regret each minute spent together with the well known thought that I got left so little time to spend with you…
I almost forgot that you wanted to leave…
I never got lost when you were my home…my North…
It’s too late for regrets, my insides are now wracked with serenity, with winter…it’s quiet. I had to dig up deep to find my own pieces. There seemed to be no end in sight, but I can touch flakes again and my sky is not grey anymore…the wind shows me that something is changed now: me
I won’t see the sunrise on your face ever…
I just want to go…
Give me one more minute…
one second…
Let me measure time in leaves, in particles of sand, in waves,
Give me one more season
one year
some years…
some time
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